a little history about today and the past

I was at Jane and Nichola's today last year. It was a starry night and the leafy trees were swaying outside the shimmering bungalow house. I was taking a shower in the bathroom, fumbling in a pile of "woman use" lotions with my eyes covered in hair shampoo. Jane said the tap water in town had been contaminated, but still could be used to clean our contaminated bodies. I found the tub drain was clogged so I bent over to unclog it. A tiny ball of hair was pulled out in a tangle. Judging by the color, I knew they were not mine.

I had just returned to Grahamstown from Queenstown, where I did a whole day's documentary shooting with Asa and Zikhona, two Xhosa girls who kept making fun out of the things they had seen.

"That's the hospital where I was born! " Zikhona shouted when we were waiting for the mini-bus outside Fort Hare. "I can't believe it's still there."

She pointed to a piece of white wooden board which said "Victoria Hospital". As the bus took me away, I saw a sign nailed to a tree on the side of the road: "Abortion is a sin. God will punish you." I had heard that polygamy was a commonplace among the Xhosa people and that unprotected sex was started at an early age by the youths in townships before they even had a good knowledge about AIDs. However, Catholic churches ruled all.

The hot shower did me tremendous good or perhaps it was because I had attempted to use some of Jane and Nichola's beauty products. Mithril, Jane's wolf dog was scratching his itchy part when I came out in my top and short pants. Jane insisted that I use her room for the night. "I'll sleep in the living room. Don't worry, I like sleeping there." Jane said. Her room was tidy with three kinds of decoration: framed photos, light wooden pieces in animal shapes hanging from the ceiling, and a low shelf stacked with books. I recognized Lord of the Rings among them, from where Mithril got his name. A rug was placed before the bed and I smelt a strong scent coming out of it. A dog's smell, by all that my nose could tell. I felt a little bit sorry for Mithril who might have been a regular sleeper in this room.

"...really? Today's Chong Way's birthday?... I see..." Jane was talking on the phone when I came into the light in the living room. "Chong Way," Jane handed the receiver to me with one hand covering the upper end, "Here's a call from Mindy."

I took it over and heard Mindy saying in guilty voice. "Chong Way, I should've told Jane earlier so that she could prepare a cake and some candles for you. I'm sorry that Robert and I can't be with you to celebrate your birthday. I wish you a happy birthday."

"Thank you, Mindy, but it's alright." I scratched my head and said, "I really appreciate that you still remember it. My father could hardly tell the day I was born. It's really OK. My family doesn't have a tradition of observing birthdays."

"Oh, poor Chong Way. " Mindy said, "You deserve a birthday celebration here. Don't worry, Jane will do it for you."

I hung up the phone and found Jane discussing with Nichola.
"Hey, boy, how come you don't tell us today is your birthday?" Nichola said accusingly.
"I didn't realize it until Mindy called me." I said. Obviously the matter was taken far more seriously than I could expect.
"Well I think we've still got a half cake in the fridge. haven't we?" Jane asked.
"Oh, yes. And some candles we had used in the last black-out." Nichola added.
Then both of them giggled.

A couple of minites later, an incomplete cake and some used candles were ready out on the wooden table on the veranda.
"Make a wish, boy." Nichola said after she had lit the candles with a matchstick.
I closed my eyes and palms, and made a wish of God-knows-what. When I was about to blow the candles, Nichola interrupted, "Give it a hard blow, boy. Concentrate and wipe them out once and for all."
I re-inhaled and blew the air out.
"Hurray!" They shouted, and Jane took out a long knife and gave it to me.
"OK, now you need to cut the cake. Remember when knife touches the bottom, you must scream the hell out of you." Nichola said.
"Scream? Really?" I asked doubtfully.
"Yes, Scream, Ahhhh--! Like this." Nichola demonstrated by holding her face in two hands and let out a high-pitched voice.

I slowly slid down the knife through the cake's softness.
"Do you feel it?" Nichola asked tentatively.
"Yes, I think I've touched the bottome."
"Ahhh---!!!" Jane and Nichola screamed, both holding their faces in hands.
"Ahhh---!!!" I joined them with my coarse voice.
We all laughed and finished the cake while sitting on the veranda facing the starry sky. Mithril jumped onto the couch and put his head upon Jane's legs. It was early winter, but the breeze still felt warm.

We chatted and Jane told me her child story when I posed a question about the Afrikaners and British living in South Africa.
"I was about 7 when my family moved from Liverpool to South Africa. My father was an engineer, and to work as an engineer in South Africa, one can make a better life than in Britain in the 70s. I remember the family living next to our door were Afrikaners, but I was too little to know what that means. They had a little girl of my age and we'd often play together. Her mother never saw us playing so everything was OK, until one day she took me into her house. Her mother saw me, and asked me about my family. I told her that we were from Liverpool, that's when she grew furious and shouted 'Out out you go! Do you know my grandparents were killed by you people!' She pushed me out of their house. I was petrified. After that, I and that girl were never allowed to see together."

We kept silent for a while, then I started, "I remember in one of Howard's classes, he said that actually it was the British who invented concentration camp. It was during the Boer War, when the British rounded up the Afrikaners and put them in camps like what the Nazis did to the Jews. Right after Howard said that, a student, who was obviously British if not English, interrupted. 'It can't be true!' He protested, 'The Brits didn't do that.' 'It is true.' Howard said sternly, 'Go to a library, it's all written on the books. There is no need for an arguement on a historical fact, which there is no doubt about.' The student looked very defeated and didn't say anything."

"Yes, I can understand why he was upset." Jane said, with one hand stroking Mithril's head, "I also came to understand why that little girl's mother was so furious after I have learned what happened to them in the past."

既然被带到这个世界，那么就生日快乐一下

Luca打来电话的时候，我正坐在办公室里昏昏欲睡。抓起电话，听到了一句久违的意大利语，耳朵顿时像找到了失散多年的亲人，却无法认出对方的脸，又羞又恼。
“Buon Compleanno！”
“啊？什么？”
“生日快乐啊！”
我惊叹一声，既为亲人的真身恍然大悟，又为这突然的生日问候感到惊喜。
“怎么，今天不是你生日吗？”
“啊，不是，Luca，明天才是。”
“我真是个笨蛋，太对不起了。”
“没什么，就当提前祝贺嘛。Grazie！”
“我知道你不觉得有什么，但是在意大利，提前祝福生日，会被朋友骂的。”

这是3月29号的下午，我在一幢写字楼的过道里打着电话。在那之后的10个小时，将是我来到这个世界的28周年纪念日。

28岁了，我银行账户里的钱仅够我在这个城市买两平米的立锥之地；28岁了，我已经丢失了我的人生目标，就像我曾经弹过的吉他被丢在了结满灰尘的角落，断了弦；28岁了，我那记不得自己儿子生日的父亲要我回去做一份他为我好不容易争取来的工作——我没有怪他，他早逝的母亲一直都记不得自己儿子的生日，靠村里接生婆的回忆，他才在自己的身份证上估摸写了个数字；28岁了，我那絮絮叨叨的母亲要她的儿子回去，为她繁衍后代，用另一个新生稳定她衰弱的神经，就像28年前她为这个家族做的那样。我快30了，他们说“你好落定了”，可我他妈还没二够呢。

今年的春天来得特别早

在男人的推动下，隔壁屋的女人又开始叫床了。时间是凌晨3:30。

通常在凌晨3:00，过道里会响起凌乱的皮鞋声和两股声浪交织而成的笑声——我门上原本安装猫眼的地方是个窟窿，所以声音能畅通无阻地直达我的床，穿过我的鼓膜，在我大脑皮层的沟壑里回响，并最终将我的意识唤醒。

我睁开眼，我的意识尚不能感到肉身的存在，它仍一半沉浸在自我的深渊里，一半透过双眼在黑暗里寻找出口。但是很快，深重的黑暗将它打了回去，我的肉身化为乌有，变成一团失重的混沌之物，漂浮在无边无际的黑暗里。

一阵清冷、零碎的金属撞击声后，门被打开，又被砰地关上，那两股持续的声浪突然被截断，猫眼孔至鼓膜的无形通道顿时消失，我的心随之一沉——也就是在那个时候，我的意识找到了我的肉身。我清醒过来，感到了莫名的痛苦。

隔屋的声音变得丰富起来：桌椅和地面的摩擦声，摔东西的声音，女人一惊一乍的笑声，男人翁声瓮声的怜讨声，女人开始呻吟，听不到男人的声音，床终于开始有节奏地吱嘎起来——床头肯定顶着墙，因为我听到墙壁也在呻吟——你太单薄了啊，谁让你这么单薄！

这时，屋子里的落地窗也配合着墙壁，将隔壁的声音请进了屋。这他妈大半夜开窗做爱啊，有木有！！！

终于，女人开始忘我地叫起了床。

我起床烧上水，解了个手，然后泡上茶，坐下，开始聆听起了这天籁之音。
已经半个月了，这出戏的高潮还要持续多久？

The Summer Sun

I dedicate this translation, which probably doesn't do justice to the original one, to Haizi on his Death Anniversay


In summer
If there is no cobbler on this street

I will stand barefoot
under the sun and watch it

Then think of the children born during the day
-- they must have planned it

You come to this world
You should take a look at the sun

and walk on the street
with your beloved one

To understand her
you need to understand the sun

(a group of healthy workers
are smoking cigarettes at midday)

The summer sun
oh, the sun

When Jesus came into this world
he also grew up in the sunshine

阳光灿烂的日子

华一路东路口有一家小店，卖炒饭、小面和米线（经营重点逐次递减）。路的旁侧是陡坡，往下塌陷出一块二十米深的凹地。小店就搭在路崖边，一个用水泥和铁皮支起来的L型微棚。外墙已被油烟熏得漆黑，一层沥青似的东西凝固在排烟口。墙角的灌木像是一排烟鬼的牙齿，发黑并且长势稀拉。两个临时方桌放在门口狭长的过道上，提醒着路人旁边逼仄的无名小屋是个卖吃的地方。

经营小店的是一对老夫妻，老太婆负责烧，老头子负责收钱和送饭。年轻的儿媳下晚班后会来搭个手。孙女和孙子两个通常会坐在昏暗的电灯泡下，姐姐念一本发黄的童话书，弟弟拉长了声腔向爸爸提出各种得不到满足的要求。一只尾巴掉毛、身体瘦弱的小白猫会准时地从墙角的细缝里钻进来，爬过地上的土豆、萝卜和四季豆，用微弱的叫声安慰坐在地上赌气的弟弟。我就坐在靠墙的长条桌旁，默默地读报——北碚的新步行街，贝鲁斯科尼的丑闻，易建联的初秀，半年前的故事就这样糊在了墙上，被我念了一遍又一遍。

小店的拐角处是一个熟食摊，卖猪拱、猪尾、猪头和猪耳朵，还有鹅肝、鹅翅和豆干。我会关照大嗓门的老板娘不要味精，少放海椒多放葱，称5块钱猪头肉，切细了再拌上蒜泥和花椒。然后折回小店，一盘用猛火炒出的炒饭已经在桌上备好。这就是我来重庆第一个月的伙食，急火多油的炒饭和香腻的猪头肉见证了我肚子上长出的10斤赘肉和变慢的头脑。

那天是重庆少有的艳阳天。傍晚出去吃饭的时候，还能闻到阳光在街道停留一天后的味道。我已经有三四个月没有系统地吃小店的炒饭+熟食摊的猪头肉了。在老家的一个礼拜让我强烈地感受到了嘴和胃的渴望——它们已经被重庆的食物驯化，这是我不愿看到却不得不接受的现实。

下面要叙述的其实跟吃无关，跟太阳也无关，只是因为恰好发生在我去吃饭的路上，并且那天阳光又出奇地好。也就是我走在瓷砖路上，离小店还差两张桌子的距离时，背后传来了嘈杂的叫喊和奔跑声。还没等我完全转过头，一个中学生模样的小孩就被一个同样中学生模样的人踹到在马路上。他侧身倒在地上，蜷曲双脚，抱住头，任由后者在他身上猛踢。紧接着，一阵纷乱的脚步，大队人马杀到，几个顶着五颜六色头发的中学生模样的人停步在半米远的地方，气喘吁吁地看着出脚的人像喊号子一样来回喊着“我打死你狗日的”、“你妈卖P”。

老太婆拿着铁勺站在小店门口，她的围裙旁探出两个小脑袋，很快被爸爸伸手按了回去。大嗓门的老板娘站在远处，跟身旁的人耳语着什么。路上的行人都收住了脚步，只有汽车迟疑地划过躺在地上的人。作为一个心跳猛烈的旁观者，我站在原地，看着穿过树叶的阳光洒在我们所有人的身上，不知所措。

I want to take you to my childhood

translated from a Chinese poem by an unkown author
edited by Robert Berold

I want to take you to my childhood
It's neither large nor far away 
(just big enough for two)
and although I was small as a potato
I managed to save many secrets 

one was my cat who lived 
between when I was 7 to 14 years old
she was my best friend
and at times my enemy too

once she bit my pet chick and killed it
but I felt sorry for her when she was injured
and on cold winter nights

I let her crawl into my bed 

we kept each other warm

I liked planting flowers
you really should have seen my China Rose
it grew up higher than the roof of our house
growing without limits,  petals huge and dense 
On summer nights its fragrance 

filtered through the screen window 

making me confuse reality with dream 

The water in the pond was green and plentiful
and when a breeze arose the willow leaves 

would draw ripples on its surface
A shoal of fish would play hide and seek 

with the ducks  

If you want to we could play in the water
don't be afraid --
on a quiet afternoon like this the wild geese 

give way to the flourishing reeds     

I'll take you to eat the elm leaves 

and the flowers of the pagoda tree
we can collect sweet potatoes left behind in the soil 
In autumn the rats' holes were always 

stocked full of corn and beans
and I never disturbed them
(shhh-- mother doesn't know, it's our secret)

My brother had a dark skin
I never disliked it
but when he said my hair was yellowish
and called me Yellow Weasel
I decided to call him Black Dog
You know he was born in the year of dog
but I wasn't born in the year of weasel

I peeped at my sister's diary
and learned about something called love
like a wrinkled skirt it made her mind run wild   

I tried to imagine its shape and scent
It must be far away, I thought,
mysterious like a riddle I could never guess 

I want to take you to my childhood
I mean it
compared with your innocence 

it’s the only thing 

I'm not ashamed to show you

学舌的小孩

那天我走到沙坪坝正街，拐进了一条小巷。水泥路往下降，延伸成一个坡。坡两侧是水泥灰的居民楼，几盆植株放在太阳照不到的阳台上。旁若无人，我开始顺着地势扭起了身子。

嘣！嘣！嘣！

一记三连声的喊叫从身后传来，接着是猛烈的脚步顺坡而下。我回头一看，是一个穿着红衣服的小胖子张牙舞爪地朝我跑过来。我侧过身，没想到他在我身旁刹住车，停下了。他抬起头朝我嘻嘻一笑。他的脸很红，衣领敞开，冒着汗。

“你去哪儿啊？”我问道。
“你去哪儿啊？”他说。然后他扭起了滚圆的身体，边扭边甩着兰花指，并且有节奏地发出“哎哎哎”的叫声。

阴冷的巷子里只有我和这个突然从天而降的小胖子。我才开了个头的下午顿时变得诡异起来。

“你是在学我走路吗？”我问道。
“你是在学我走路吗？”他说，这回他左右摆起了屁股，并继续“哎哎哎”地给自己打节拍。

我笑了几声。
他也笑了几声。
“你家就住这楼里？”我问道。
“你家就住这楼里？”他说。
我有些被惹恼了，但不知道该怎么冲他发火。

“o-no-gezenguang-guang-aio,ai-ke-nei-naha-o.”我用家乡的方言说道。
小胖子怔了一下。但他他很快回过神，并且吐着舌头叽里呱啦地弄出了些声响。然后他朝我白了一眼，一蹦一跳地闪进了一旁的居民楼。

我站在原地，发现坡下面是一堵围墙。我只好转过身，按原路返回，走出了巷子。